The Lies We Believe

There are two lies that follow Christian young adults around and convince them they are doing this entire "adulthood" thing wrong. In the two years since I graduated college, I have battled these lies, believing them far more than I would like to admit. Today, I want to dispel them and shed light on the truth, because despite what the world seems to tell us, "adulthood" and "adventurous living" are not measured by how many orphanages we work in or our relationship status. So, to all my Christian young adult brothers and sisters, this is for you.

Lie 1: When you surrender your adult life to God, you will automatically get thrust into an adventure that is so grand people will write books about you, and you may end up adopting several sick children or learning a couple different languages in the process.
Truth 1: Surrendering your adult life to God is your grand adventure.

I have a confession to make: I can't read Kisses from Katie, you know that book about the young girl who goes to Uganda and then never comes back because she has decided to adopt all those little girls. I can't read it, not I haven't read it, I can't read it. I tried. I had many people tell me I should read it but I couldn't do it. See every time I tried, I developed what I call "ministry envy." I became jealous of Katie. I wanted to be the one sitting in Uganda, holding small children, telling them about Jesus, but that did not seem to be God's plan for my life. So I refuse to read the book, though I'm sure it's a beautiful story, because I want to guard my heart against ministry envy.

There are many points throughout my two years of young adulthood that I have felt like I must be doing it wrong. I gave my life to God; I surrendered fully. Where was my grand adventure? I live in a town whose only boast is a Wal-Mart. I wondered if I was surrendering my life to God correctly. Why hadn't he sent me on some really amazing adventure? I like to travel. I've been feeling a desperate urge to get on a plane lately, but those doors have not opened.

While wrestling with this desire for something "grander," God intervened. When I say, God intervened, what I really mean is He pretty much dropped truth on my lap and kindly, and mercifully told me to snap out of it. The truth is, these past two years of daily surrendering my life to God has been an adventure. I never know what's coming next. I had no idea God would double the size of the youth group I lead. I could have never imagined that I would find myself leading meetings comprised of youth leaders from three different states, and two different cultures. I never pictured myself having meaningful conversations with teenagers in Dunkin Donuts, or preaching to full congregations several times in one year. I had no idea I would be traveling to Cleveland to help take care of my mom who would undergo a serious surgery at a top notch hospital. No, I may not be holding orphans in a foreign country, people might not write books about my young adult life, but it has been an adventure.

So friends, stop critiquing your life. You only miss the adventures God places in front of you. 

Surrendering your life to God is a grand adventure, a grand adventure we get to live everyday. Make the most of it, celebrate the unexpected, rejoice in the ordinary, and watch God turn your life into an amazing, beautiful adventure. Oh, and if you feel motivated, write a book about your school teaching, church ministry, office working, temp job jumping, God glorifying adventures. I'd read it.

Lie 2: Adult life begins when you get married, unless you're called to singleness, then "Get thee to a Nunnery!" or an orphanage where you can hold babies and justify your singleness.
Truth 2: Your ability to live a God glorifying, happy adult life, has nothing to do with your relationship status. 

The lump in my throat appeared so unexpectedly and randomly that it took me a minute to realize why I suddenly felt the need to sob. After a few brief minutes of simultaneous thinking and attempting to hold myself together, the feelings and fears I had suppressed were emerging along with the reasons for the hot tears threatening to pour down my face. I was at an ordination service, it was a beautiful, lively celebration recognizing God's calling on so many. The bishop had just called forward the ordinands and their spouses. And their spouses. That phrase hit me like a rock. I'm one year from being ordained, and unless something drastically changes in my life, I will have no spouse to journey with me to the front of that sanctuary. Hearing the call for the ordinands and their spouses to come forward brought me face to face with that reality. This is not what I had pictured. I figured first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the ordination service. Instead, I will be walking forward on my own, no husband holding my hand encouragingly, excited for the new chapter in our lives. With that realization, I felt very much alone.

I wish I could tell you that I was able to shake this feeling of loneliness off quickly, but that would be untrue. Instead, I wrestled with it for all of annual conference. God was making his call on my life all the more clear. My desire to do urban ministry was growing, and I found myself asking God why I had yet to get married if I was going to end up doing urban ministry where being all of 5' 2'', 108 lbs. and single sounds relatively risky. I told God I didn't want to do it alone. Then, God did it again. He dropped truth on to my lap and kindly and mercifully told me to snap out of it. The truth is, I am never alone.

That gospel, foundational truth that I serve a God who is engaged in every itty bitty detail of my life, who became human so I could know that He understands my every thought and feeling, that never leaves me or forsakes me, came crashing down over me like a waterfall. 

How many times had I told teenagers that they were never alone? How many times had I uttered that comfort to others? Yet, here I was unable to embrace it for myself. The truth is, God is with me. Always. I am never alone. Not only that, but my ability to truly embrace adulthood, to embrace this wonderfully humbling calling God has placed on my life is not based on my marital status. The only relationship that can prohibit me from embracing God's call on my life is my relationship with Him.

So if you're like me and are practically as single and humanly possible, stop waiting for a wedding to begin your adult life. Stop basing the call God has placed on your life on your relationship status. God is with you. God called you while you were single, so why on earth would you need to wait for marriage to fully embrace that calling? Go, live your God glorifying, happy, adventure having adult life.

These two lies have threatened to box me up during my young adulthood. They have made me cry as I wondered what was going wrong. They have made me feel inadequate. I'm sure I'm not the only one. But now, now I'm done buying into these lies. I'm a single, Christian young adult, who is embracing the grand adventure God has put in front of me, and I'm joyfully anticipating the next unexpected turn. I hope this blog encourages you to do the same. Married or single, living abroad or in a little American town, embrace the adventure God is laying in front of you.