Called to Preach, Not Debate

I read this blog today. It was humbling, and came at the perfect time. I recently took my first seminary class, and the professor spent a good portion of class talking about the importance of inclusive language, and Biblical support for gender equality. 

As a woman pursuing ministry, I ate it up.

Having been put in situations where my call has been questioned, or point blank been said to be wrong, this kind of encouragement was refreshing and desired. In fact, over the past few years of wrestling with my call to ministry, running from it, and finding myself needing to defend it to strangers, I had begun to delve into the research surrounding this topic. I absorbed all critique and support of women in ministry. I wanted to validate my call, while carefully ensuring that I wasn't falling into sin as some opponents believed I was. Once I became confident in my calling and the Biblical support of women in ministry, the research became more like debate planning, and though I knew that pursuing ordination was not sinning, I began to fall into a sin I never planned on sinking into.

I became bitter.

I had been hurt by people of God who I respected greatly. I allowed this hurt to stir up resentment within me. I was going to research women in ministry, and I was going to prove them wrong. I was going to show the ways in which God affirmed my call to ministry while staying true to the Bible. My research was no longer about me and my relationship with God, it was no longer about becoming the woman in ministry He was calling me to be, it was about validating myself. Forget a call to preach; I was embracing a call to debate.

For all of this, I apologize. 

I am sorry I sat in my pain. I'm sorry I nursed my hurt, allowing it to grow into bitterness. Above all, I am sorry I sought to prove you wrong. That is not what my ministry is about, and I never want that to be what I focus on.

God has called me to ministry; I will not back away from that calling. However, He has called me to His ministry, and that is one of reconciliation. In 2 Corinthians 5:18 we are told that we are given the, "ministry of reconciliation." I believe that God is calling His people to live into His Kingdom, a Kingdom that is coming and already here where we live in peace with one another under His sovereign Lordship.  I believe in bringing restoration to the broken in this world in the name of Jesus. These are callings that involve the entire body of Christ.

I do not want to debate with you; I want to serve with you. I want to minister to this broken world with you. 

My dad and I were talking this morning before I read that poignant blog. I was discussing the way my seminary professor had affirmed women in ministry, and my dad looked at me and said, "Kayleigh, you have to let it go, because you're never going to get the people who disagree with you to change their minds, and it's just going to hurt you."

He's right. You may be reading this disagreeing with me about women in ministry, and I won't be able to convince you of otherwise. But God did not call me to ministry to prove that women can be ordained. He called me into ministry to bring His reconciliation to the world, and to do so I need to be reconciled with you. And so, taking the wise advice of my father, I am letting my defenses go.

So let's do ministry, chasing God and His kingdom together. 

A New Kind of Resolution

Happy New Year! It's that time again. The time of year when people look back on their lives give thanks and then think about where they want to make changes. It's a time celebrated by purchasing gym memberships and vowing to eat more carrots. It's a time of writing lists of things one hopes to accomplish in the upcoming years. A few of these lists have been shared online, and I've read a couple, and I was confused. The ones I read were very focused on living a young and free lifestyle while you still could. The one item on the list that really got me was, "make-out with a stranger." After reading that, I had to stop and ask myself, what do I want to do with 2014? I certainly don't want to do that, but I'm young, I'm not married, I recently graduated college so the world tells me I'm at the perfect stage in my life to make a crazy, elaborate New Year's Resolution. I think that's a valid statement. I am at the perfect stage of my life to make a radical New Year's Resolution, but not because of my age or marital status, but because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. I've felt challenged in this past year to live differently, and today I want to present that challenge to you. I call it:

Challenge: Overflowing Love

A while ago I was struggling with the concept of loving like Jesus loves. I was struck by the verse,

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another."-John 13:34-35.

It seems so straight forward, so simplistic. However, I analyze things. I think too much far too often. I caught myself wondering about how we are to love one another. God commands us to love, as He has loved us, but what does that look like? I was praying about this when I heard the reminder that those who seek will find. So I asked God to show me how He loves people. And He did.

Day after day I sought after God's love for people and the ways He was loving others. I saw the way He could see beyond a person into their hurt and pain. I saw the way He forgave people. I felt the way He was teaching me. I saw the way He provided people to truly listen to others. In all these ways He was loving people, and He was calling me to love people in the same way. It was challenging to say the least. No longer could I simply walk by someone, now I was called to see them, to truly see them and not simply look through them. No longer could I ask someone how they were doing without truly investing myself into caring about their answer. Understanding the many ways Jesus loves people compelled me to love differently. Though it made my life a bit more intricate, it did not make it more difficult because God's love is an overflowing love.

On New Year's Eve we threw my mom a surprise birthday party and we covered the ceiling with 100 balloons. Getting the balloons out of the car was an adventure in itself. They were crammed into the back of my Aunt's van, and we had to carefully push them out of the door so that they didn't blow away in the frigid, winter wind. They were bursting to be released.

That's how God's love works. When we experience it ourselves, when we seek after it that we might better understand it, it fills us to the brim allowing us to release it onto others.

So that's my New Year's Resolution. I'm going to take the Overflowing Love Challenge seeking to see and understand how God loves others, and as I do so I'm going to seek to love people in the same way. It's not a resolution to make-out with strangers, but a call to love them, and the people I know, the way God loves.