Today, when I was sitting in one of my prayer/meditation times working on ignoring the random facebook statuses popping into my head, I realized how caught up in the presence of God I was. It was like sitting with my dad. I was having a conversation with God, one where I was doing most of the listening and less of the talking. I opened my eyes and looked up confused as to where I was. My dorm room had vanished completely from my thoughts. It was incredible. The God of the universe had allowed me to enter His presence. He had spoken with me. I found my heart saying, "Lord, don't let me leave." I did not ask for permission to stay, for I knew that had already been granted. However, I also knew that my human tendency would be to leave God's presence. I would get distracted by my homework assignments, work and friendships. I would leave. Not because God told me it was time to go, but because I had decided something else was more important. At that moment, sitting on my dorm room floor, I saw that reality, and I wanted God to keep that from happening. So I asked Him not to let me leave.
See, I spent the last week leaving His presence. He would draw me in to Him whenever I sought Him during my morning devotions or chapel, but I would leave as soon as my day got too busy. I spent last week discouraged and preoccupied with the stresses of life. I ignored the blessings God was pouring into my week and focused on the negative. My heart was far from where it needed to be; I had left His presence. Today I realized that I don't want to leave anymore.
After spending time in silence, I opened one of my old devotionals and read a devotion entitled, "Prayer Changes You." It ended by saying,
"You cannot be intimately exposed to God's heart and remain complacent."(Henry Blackaby, Experiencing God Day by Day, p 293).Prayer is meant to change us. It is meant to expose us to the heart of God that we might desire to become more like Him and see how far from that we truly are. Prayer draws us near to God in a way that makes us dissatisfied with the world in which we live. This world is not enough, we must be near God, we must be with Him. No longer is it okay to simply dedicate a quick time of morning devotions to Him, now we must dedicate our entire lives to Him. Prayer is about deciding to live each day, the entire day, at the feet of God. It is about refusing to leave.
*Just so we're clear, prayer is also about more than blog entries, but I could not help but share what God is doing in my life. I am always encouraged to hear how God is moving in the lives of others, and want to make sure I'm not keeping the grace He is showing me a secret!
