Called to Preach, Not Debate

I read this blog today. It was humbling, and came at the perfect time. I recently took my first seminary class, and the professor spent a good portion of class talking about the importance of inclusive language, and Biblical support for gender equality. 

As a woman pursuing ministry, I ate it up.

Having been put in situations where my call has been questioned, or point blank been said to be wrong, this kind of encouragement was refreshing and desired. In fact, over the past few years of wrestling with my call to ministry, running from it, and finding myself needing to defend it to strangers, I had begun to delve into the research surrounding this topic. I absorbed all critique and support of women in ministry. I wanted to validate my call, while carefully ensuring that I wasn't falling into sin as some opponents believed I was. Once I became confident in my calling and the Biblical support of women in ministry, the research became more like debate planning, and though I knew that pursuing ordination was not sinning, I began to fall into a sin I never planned on sinking into.

I became bitter.

I had been hurt by people of God who I respected greatly. I allowed this hurt to stir up resentment within me. I was going to research women in ministry, and I was going to prove them wrong. I was going to show the ways in which God affirmed my call to ministry while staying true to the Bible. My research was no longer about me and my relationship with God, it was no longer about becoming the woman in ministry He was calling me to be, it was about validating myself. Forget a call to preach; I was embracing a call to debate.

For all of this, I apologize. 

I am sorry I sat in my pain. I'm sorry I nursed my hurt, allowing it to grow into bitterness. Above all, I am sorry I sought to prove you wrong. That is not what my ministry is about, and I never want that to be what I focus on.

God has called me to ministry; I will not back away from that calling. However, He has called me to His ministry, and that is one of reconciliation. In 2 Corinthians 5:18 we are told that we are given the, "ministry of reconciliation." I believe that God is calling His people to live into His Kingdom, a Kingdom that is coming and already here where we live in peace with one another under His sovereign Lordship.  I believe in bringing restoration to the broken in this world in the name of Jesus. These are callings that involve the entire body of Christ.

I do not want to debate with you; I want to serve with you. I want to minister to this broken world with you. 

My dad and I were talking this morning before I read that poignant blog. I was discussing the way my seminary professor had affirmed women in ministry, and my dad looked at me and said, "Kayleigh, you have to let it go, because you're never going to get the people who disagree with you to change their minds, and it's just going to hurt you."

He's right. You may be reading this disagreeing with me about women in ministry, and I won't be able to convince you of otherwise. But God did not call me to ministry to prove that women can be ordained. He called me into ministry to bring His reconciliation to the world, and to do so I need to be reconciled with you. And so, taking the wise advice of my father, I am letting my defenses go.

So let's do ministry, chasing God and His kingdom together.